This is it folks, this is the big one. We’ve navigated our way through the paltry trivia of Christmas, dusted off the dross of New Year, dodged the tawdry nonsense of Valentine’s Day, and we’ve made it to the one we’ve all been waiting for: it’s National Toast Day.

I know. Just take a moment to absorb that. It doesn’t get much better than this. (That could be said both for life and this article – feel free to bail now).

I’m sure NTD (that’s what the toast underworld refers to it as) is probably another day of needless celebration dreamt up by a marketing bigwig sat round a shiny oval table, charged with the breathtakingly easy job of selling more bread, but I say let’s take it at face value. Why not celebrate our humble, unpretentious culinary companion? It gives so much to us, it’s about time we showed our appreciation. I say we should go further, send cards, buy presents – and must I be the first to say what we’re all thinking: isn’t it about time that NTD is an official National Holiday?

For those of you unaware of what toast is (I told you the article was going to get worse, if you’re still reading, you’ve only got yourself to blame), it is defined as “sliced bread browned on both sides by exposure to radiant heat, such as a grill or fire.” So, mystery solved, what can toast offer us?

This toast has an egg on it

Toast is amazing simply with butter, or jam, or baked beans – I can’t go on. We all know how to eat toast. (Although genuine top tip to improve the all-time classic, beans on toast – put some mustard or Marmite on the toast before you put the beans on: it’ll change your life.)

But this NTD, take a moment to consider all the beautiful meals and snacks and hangover-cures and fry-ups and sandwiches that have been infinitely improved by our unassuming friend, toast.

I suspect that’s quite enough now, and for the one remaining reader that made it this far, thanks Mum.

Next week, the toast rack: how one man’s dream of a world in which toast could stand upright was torn apart by society… until he made it happen!